We children were snuggled up safe in our beds,
While dreams of pavlova danced ’round in our heads;
And Mum in her nightie, and Dad in his shorts,
Had just settled down to watch TV sports.

When outside the house a mad ruckus arose;
Loud squeaking and banging woke us from our doze.
We ran to the screen door, peeked cautiously out,
snuck onto the deck, then let out a shout.

Guess what had woken us up from our snooze,
But a rusty old Ute pulled by eight mighty ‘roos.
The cheerful man driving was giggling with glee,
And we both knew at once who this plump bloke must be.

Now, I’m telling the truth it’s all dinki-di,
Those eight kangaroos fairly soared through the sky.
Santa leaned out the window to pull at the reins,
And encouraged the ‘roos, by calling their names.

‘Now, Kylie! Now, Kirsty! Now, Shazza and Shane!
On Kipper! On, Skipper! On, Bazza and Wayne!
Park up on that water tank. Grab a quick drink,
I’ll scoot down the gum tree. Be back in a wink!’

So up to the tank those eight kangaroos flew,
With the Ute full of toys, and Santa Claus too.
He slid down the gum tree and jumped to the ground,
Then in through the window he sprang with a bound.

He had bright sunburned cheeks and a milky white beard.
A jolly old joker was how he appeared.
He wore red stubby shorts and old thongs on his feet,
And a hat of deep crimson as shade from the heat.

His eyes – bright as opals – Oh! How they twinkled!
And, like a goanna, his skin was quite wrinkled!
His shirt was stretched over a round bulging belly
Which shook when he moved, like a plate full of jelly.

A fat stack of prezzies he flung from his back,
And he looked like a swaggie unfastening his pack.
He spoke not a word, but bent down on one knee,
To position our goodies beneath the yule tree.

Surfboard and footy-ball shapes for us two.
And for Dad, tongs to use on the new barbeque.
A mysterious package he left for our Mum,
Then he turned and he winked and he held up his thumb;

He strolled out on deck and his ‘roos came on cue;
Flung his sack in the back and prepared to shoot through.
He bellowed out loud as they swooped past the gates-
MERRY CHRISTMAS to all, and goodonya, MATES!’

A lot of it is just silliness that follows when you laugh a to but some things we do are:

• think up lots of reindeer names for Santa or give each other reindeer names
• tie pillows around our tummies and say ho ho ho a lot
• someone usually finds something silly at a discount shop and we all take turns wearing it and acting to suit – so we get snooty with a feather boa or have a twang with a cowboy hat
• read out spoonerisms (where parts of words are swapped around in a story e.g. Santa’s sleigh skies through the fly)
• having staring competitions
• sing silly songs (like ‘next verse, same as the first, a little bit louder and a little bit worse’)
• tell tall tales where one person starts the story and stops mid sentence for someone else to continue on

What do you call people who are scared of Santa?

Claustrophobic!

What comes at the end of Christmas Day

Y!

Who is red and white and gives good fish presents for Christmas?

Sandy Paws

Can you say these 3 or 5 times really fast? And still be understood!

Santa’s sister Samantha sits sedately in the shiny sleigh.

Cathy craves Christmas cake covered in custard.

Elves enjoy entertaining and emptying elegant envelopes.

Penny’s pleased with piles of presents.

Have fun!

On the 2nd day of Christmas my family gave to me
2 boxes of chocolate
and a day of uninterrupted sleep

On the 3rd day of Christmas my family gave to me
3 hot tradesmen
2 boxes of chocolate
and a day of uninterrupted sleep

On the 4th day of Christmas my family gave to me
4 glasses of wine
3 hot tradesmen
2 boxes of chocolate
and a day of uninterrupted sleep

On the 5th day of Christmas my family gave to me
5 hours at a day spa
4 glasses of wine
3 hot tradesmen
2 boxes of chocolate
and a day of uninterrupted sleep

On the 6th day of Christmas my family gave to me
6 new pairs of shoes
5 hours at a day spa
4 glasses of wine
3 hot tradesmen
2 boxes of chocolate
and a day of uninterrupted sleep

On the 7th day of Christmas my family gave to me
7 foot massages
6 new pairs of shoes
5 hours at a day spa
4 glasses of wine
3 hot tradesmen
2 boxes of chocolate
and a day of uninterrupted sleep

On the 8th day of Christmas my family gave to me
8 maids a-cleaning
7 foot massages
6 new pairs of shoes
5 hours at a day spa
4 glasses of wine
3 hot tradesmen
2 boxes of chocolate
and a day of uninterrupted sleep

On the 9th day of Christmas my family gave to me
9 girlie movies
8 maids a-cleaning
7 foot massages
6 new pairs of shoes
5 hours at a day spa
4 glasses of wine
3 hot tradesmen
2 boxes of chocolate
and a day of uninterrupted sleep

On the 10th day of Christmas my family gave to me
10 romantic dinners
9 girlie movies
8 maids a-cleaning
7 foot massages
6 new pairs of shoes
5 hours at a day spa
4 glasses of wine
3 hot tradesmen
2 boxes of chocolate
and a day of uninterrupted sleep

On the 11th day of Christmas my family gave to me
11 books to read
10 romantic dinners
9 girlie movies
8 maids a-cleaning
7 foot massages
6 new pairs of shoes
5 hours at a day spa
4 glasses of wine
3 hot tradesmen
2 boxes of chocolate
and a day of uninterrupted sleep

On the 12th day of Christmas my family gave to me
12 days and nights free
11 books to read
10 romantic dinners
9 girlie movies
8 maids a-cleaning
7 foot massages
6 new pairs of shoes
5 hours at a day spa
4 glasses of wine
3 hot tradesmen
2 boxes of chocolate
and a day of un-interr-upted sleep

Written by an awesome bunch of Real Mums on the Retell Therapy Forums - thanks to Mad Cow, Gin please, Vamp, Alison, Lincmarc, Chrystal, MissieK, Wintersun and edited by Brunadette.

© Amanda Cox (Real Mums Pty Ltd). You are free to use this article on your website or other online or offline (print) material, in emails and e-newsletters or e-zines on the condition that it is printed in full, as above, includes the resource/bio information and a link to www.realmums.com.au and/or the original article itself. No part of this article may be reproduced in part only or without reference to the author and link to the site/original article. We like to know where the article has been used, so please let us know. If you’re unsure about these terms of use, or would like Mad Cow to write for you please email madcow@realmums.com.au

Jingle Bells

Dashing to the beach
With my boogie board and towel
Look at all the waves
Hear the surfers yell, YEE HAA
Put your sunscreen on
Don’t forget your hat
Because you will get sunburnt
If you don’t remember that

Chorus
Summer time, Christmas time
Mosquitoes, bindies
BBQ’s, sausages
Tomato sauces and flies

Jump into the pool
With your flippers on
Watch the dog catch flies
Sing a Christmas song
Christmas in Australia
Is very, very hot
So snow and sleighs and jingle bells
Is what we have not got

Chorus x2

Do you know what would have happened if it had been Three Wise
Women instead of Three Wise Men?

They would have asked directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole and brought practical gifts!

My true love brought to me…

one lyrebird in a gum tree

two beach umbrellas

three splashing swimmers

four …

five banana chairs

six …

seven …

eight crazy chickens

nine…

ten…

eleven pairs of thongs

twelve …

Ok, so there’s a lot I forgot so I’ll see if I can get the rest to fill in the gaps!

Deck the sheds with bits of Wattle, falala lalala lalala
Whack some gum leaves in a bottle, falala lalala lalala
All the shops are open sundies, falala lalala lalala
Buy your Dad some sox and undies, falala lalala lalala

Deck the sheds with bits of gum tree, falala lalala lalala
Hang some decos off the plum tree, falala lalala lalala
Plant some kisses on the missus, falala lalala lalala
Have a ripper Aussie Christmas, falala lalala lalala

Say g’day to friends and rellies, falala lalala lalala
Wave them off with bulging bellies, falala lalala lalala
Kids and babies youngies oldies, falala lalala lalala
May your fridge be full of coldies, falala lalala lalala

Chop the wood and stoke the barbie, falala lalala lalala
Ring the folks in Abudabe, falala lalala lalala
Pop the stuffing in the turkey, falala lalala lalala
Little Mary’s feeling ercky, falala lalala lalala

Rally, rally round the table, falala lalala lalala
Fill your belly while your able, falala lalala lalala
Joyce and Joany, Dave and Daryl, falala lalala lalala
Sing an Aussie Christmas carol, falala lalala lalala

Dashing through the bush
In a rusty Holden Ute
Kicking up the dust
Esky in the boot
Kelpie by my side
Singing Christmas songs
It’s summer time and I am in
My singlet, shorts & thongs

Chorus:
oh, jingle bells, jingle bells
jingle all the way
Christmas in Australia
on a scorching summer’s day
jingle bells, jingle bells
Christmas time is beaut
oh what fun it is to ride
in a rusty Holden ute

Engine’s getting hot
Dodge the kangaroos
Swaggy climbs aboard
He is welcome too
All the family is there
Sitting by the pool
Christmas day, the Aussie way
By the barbecue!

Chorus

Come the afternoon
Grandpa has a doze
The kids and uncle Bruce
Are swimming in their clothes
The time comes round to go
We take a family snap
Then pack the car and all shoot through
Before the washing up

Chorus

Here are some song errrors I’ve heard of – do you have any others?

• Frosty the snowman is a ferret elf I say
• You’ll go down in listerine (How’s that for commercialism taking over!)
• Olive, the other reindeer
• Sleep in heavenly peas
• Good tidings we bring to you and your kid
• Come, froggy faithful