3 wise women
How different things could have been…
Do you know what would have happened if it had been Three Wise
Women instead of Three Wise Men?
They would have asked directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole and brought practical gifts!
12 Aussie days of Christmas
I know someone else posted about the 12 days of Christmas, but I heard a different version today at school so I thought I’d try and remember it for you.
My true love brought to me…
one lyrebird in a gum tree
two beach umbrellas
three splashing swimmers
four …
five banana chairs
six …
seven …
eight crazy chickens
nine…
ten…
eleven pairs of thongs
twelve …
Ok, so there’s a lot I forgot so I’ll see if I can get the rest to fill in the gaps!
Deck the sheds this Christmas
I came across another Christmas song that now has an Australian twist to it…
Deck the sheds with bits of Wattle, falala lalala lalala
Whack some gum leaves in a bottle, falala lalala lalala
All the shops are open sundies, falala lalala lalala
Buy your Dad some sox and undies, falala lalala lalala
Deck the sheds with bits of gum tree, falala lalala lalala
Hang some decos off the plum tree, falala lalala lalala
Plant some kisses on the missus, falala lalala lalala
Have a ripper Aussie Christmas, falala lalala lalala
Say g’day to friends and rellies, falala lalala lalala
Wave them off with bulging bellies, falala lalala lalala
Kids and babies youngies oldies, falala lalala lalala
May your fridge be full of coldies, falala lalala lalala
Chop the wood and stoke the barbie, falala lalala lalala
Ring the folks in Abudabe, falala lalala lalala
Pop the stuffing in the turkey, falala lalala lalala
Little Mary’s feeling ercky, falala lalala lalala
Rally, rally round the table, falala lalala lalala
Fill your belly while your able, falala lalala lalala
Joyce and Joany, Dave and Daryl, falala lalala lalala
Sing an Aussie Christmas carol, falala lalala lalala
Jingle Bells – Aussie style!
Here is another carol that’s been Aussiefied!
Dashing through the bush
In a rusty Holden Ute
Kicking up the dust
Esky in the boot
Kelpie by my side
Singing Christmas songs
It’s summer time and I am in
My singlet, shorts & thongs
Chorus:
oh, jingle bells, jingle bells
jingle all the way
Christmas in Australia
on a scorching summer’s day
jingle bells, jingle bells
Christmas time is beaut
oh what fun it is to ride
in a rusty Holden ute
Engine’s getting hot
Dodge the kangaroos
Swaggy climbs aboard
He is welcome too
All the family is there
Sitting by the pool
Christmas day, the Aussie way
By the barbecue!
Chorus
Come the afternoon
Grandpa has a doze
The kids and uncle Bruce
Are swimming in their clothes
The time comes round to go
We take a family snap
Then pack the car and all shoot through
Before the washing up
Chorus
Twas the night before Christmas humour…
T’was the night before Christmas and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care.
They’d been worn all week and needed the air.
Christmas carol lyrics…
When many Christmas carols are learned by hearing them and trying to figure out the words, it isn’t surprising that sometimes the words sung aren’t exactly as expected. Especially when teh singer is young and doesn’t always know the words or meanings of the songs to be able to judge their errors.
Here are some song errrors I’ve heard of – do you have any others?
- Frosty the snowman is a ferret elf I say
- You’ll go down in listerine (How’s that for commercialism taking over!)
- Olive, the other reindeer
- Sleep in heavenly peas
- Good tidings we bring to you and your kid
- Come, froggy faithful
Santa jokes…
What smells most in a chimney?
Santa’s nose
What’s red & white, red & white, red & white?
Santa rolling down a hill!
Aussie Jingle Bells
This was sent to me by e-mail. I don’t know who wrote it.
Dashing through the bush,
in a rusty Holden Ute,
Kicking up the dust,
esky in the boot,
Kelpie by my side,
singing Christmas songs,
It’s Summer time and I am in
my singlet, shorts and thongs
Oh! Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way,
Christmas in Australia on a scorching summers day, Hey!
Jingle bells, jingle bells, Christmas time is beaut!
Oh what fun it is to ride in a rusty Holden Ute.
Engine’s getting hot;
we dodge the kangaroos,
The swaggie climbs aboard,
he is welcome too.
All the family’s there,
sitting by the pool,
Christmas Day the Aussie way,
by the barbecue.
Oh! Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way,
Christmas in Australia on a scorching summers day, Hey!
Jingle bells, jingle bells, Christmas time is beaut!
Oh what fun it is to ride in a rusty Holden Ute.
Come the afternoon,
Grandpa has a doze,
The kids and Uncle Bruce
are swimming in their clothes.
The time comes ’round to go,
we take the family snap,
Pack the car and all shoot through,
before the washing up.
Oh! Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way,
Christmas in Australia on a scorching summers day, Hey!
Jingle bells, jingle bells, Christmas time is beaut!
Oh what fun it is to ride in a rusty Holden Ute.
This is why I shop at the last minute..
(or so I read in an email)
Life is very strssful when you have to make a lot of decisions and choices. So I look after myself by reducing my choices to whatever is left in the local pharmacy or supermarket at 6pm on Christmas Eve!
Three wise women
The Christmas story talks about three wise men following a star for days to get to the stable.
Now, had there been three wise WOMEN, they would have stopped to get directions, arrived on time to help tidy the stable and deliver the baby, bought along some cold meats and salad, and brought gifts such as nappies, face washers and sheets!
The truth about Santa’s reindeer
I’m not 100% sure of the accuracy of this but it certainly sounds plausible. Perhaps Santa could confirm this?
According to the Alaskan Dept. of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, the male antlers drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers until after they give birth in the spring.
Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa’s reindeer, EVERY single one of them from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.
We should have known… only women would be able to drag a (ahem – sorry Santa) rather largish man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost!
A Christmas Letter
Dear friends
With Christmas almost upon us, I’d like to extend my heartfelt appreciation to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me “forwards” over the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed and healthy.
Extra thanks to whoever sent me the email about rat crap in the glue on envelopes – cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope.
Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
Because of your genuine concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because I know it can remove toilet stains, which is not exactly an appealing characteristic.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones or anything anymore because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
I no longer go to shopping centres because someone might drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer eat KFC because their “chickens” are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer worry about my soul because at last count, I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.
Thanks to you all, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl on the internet who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).
I no longer have any money at all in fact – but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special on-line email program.
Yes, I want to thank you all so much for looking out for me that I will now return the favour!
If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large mutant pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00PM (EST) this afternoon. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s beautician.
Merry Christmas to all,
Love Santa
