Christmas humour

Get your tongue around…

… some Christmas tonguetwisters!

Can you say these 3 or 5 times really fast? And still be understood!

Santa’s sister Samantha sits sedately in the shiny sleigh.

Cathy craves Christmas cake covered in custard.

Elves enjoy entertaining and emptying elegant envelopes.

Penny’s pleased with piles of presents.

Have fun!

12 Days of Christmas for Real Mums

On the 1st day of Christmas my family gave to me
A day of uninterrupted sleep

On the 2nd day of Christmas my family gave to me
2 boxes of chocolate
and a day of uninterrupted sleep

On the 3rd day of Christmas my family gave to me
3 hot tradesmen
2 boxes of chocolate
and a day of uninterrupted sleep

On the 4th day of Christmas my family gave to me
4 glasses of wine
3 hot tradesmen
2 boxes of chocolate
and a day of uninterrupted sleep

On the 5th day of Christmas my family gave to me
5 hours at a day spa
4 glasses of wine
3 hot tradesmen
2 boxes of chocolate
and a day of uninterrupted sleep

On the 6th day of Christmas my family gave to me
6 new pairs of shoes
5 hours at a day spa
4 glasses of wine
3 hot tradesmen
2 boxes of chocolate
and a day of uninterrupted sleep

On the 7th day of Christmas my family gave to me
7 foot massages
6 new pairs of shoes
5 hours at a day spa
4 glasses of wine
3 hot tradesmen
2 boxes of chocolate
and a day of uninterrupted sleep

On the 8th day of Christmas my family gave to me
8 maids a-cleaning
7 foot massages
6 new pairs of shoes
5 hours at a day spa
4 glasses of wine
3 hot tradesmen
2 boxes of chocolate
and a day of uninterrupted sleep

On the 9th day of Christmas my family gave to me
9 girlie movies
8 maids a-cleaning
7 foot massages
6 new pairs of shoes
5 hours at a day spa
4 glasses of wine
3 hot tradesmen
2 boxes of chocolate
and a day of uninterrupted sleep

On the 10th day of Christmas my family gave to me
10 romantic dinners
9 girlie movies
8 maids a-cleaning
7 foot massages
6 new pairs of shoes
5 hours at a day spa
4 glasses of wine
3 hot tradesmen
2 boxes of chocolate
and a day of uninterrupted sleep

On the 11th day of Christmas my family gave to me
11 books to read
10 romantic dinners
9 girlie movies
8 maids a-cleaning
7 foot massages
6 new pairs of shoes
5 hours at a day spa
4 glasses of wine
3 hot tradesmen
2 boxes of chocolate
and a day of uninterrupted sleep

On the 12th day of Christmas my family gave to me
12 days and nights free
11 books to read
10 romantic dinners
9 girlie movies
8 maids a-cleaning
7 foot massages
6 new pairs of shoes
5 hours at a day spa
4 glasses of wine
3 hot tradesmen
2 boxes of chocolate
and a day of un-interr-upted sleep

Written by an awesome bunch of Real Mums on the Retell Therapy Forums – thanks to Mad Cow, Gin please, Vamp, Alison, Lincmarc, Chrystal, MissieK, Wintersun and edited by Brunadette.

© Amanda Cox (Real Mums Pty Ltd). You are free to use this article on your website or other online or offline (print) material, in emails and e-newsletters or e-zines on the condition that it is printed in full, as above, includes the resource/bio information and a link to www.realmums.com.au and/or the original article itself. No part of this article may be reproduced in part only or without reference to the author and link to the site/original article. We like to know where the article has been used, so please let us know. If you’re unsure about these terms of use, or would like Mad Cow to write for you please email madcow@realmums.com.au

Another Aussie version of jingle bells

Damien added an Aussie version of Jingle Bells last week, but I know another one so I thought I’d give it to you as well!

Jingle Bells

Dashing to the beach
With my boogie board and towel
Look at all the waves
Hear the surfers yell, YEE HAA
Put your sunscreen on
Don’t forget your hat
Because you will get sunburnt
If you don’t remember that

Chorus
Summer time, Christmas time
Mosquitoes, bindies
BBQ’s, sausages
Tomato sauces and flies

Jump into the pool
With your flippers on
Watch the dog catch flies
Sing a Christmas song
Christmas in Australia
Is very, very hot
So snow and sleighs and jingle bells
Is what we have not got

Chorus x2

3 wise women

How different things could have been…

Do you know what would have happened if it had been Three Wise
Women instead of Three Wise Men?

They would have asked directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole and brought practical gifts!

12 Aussie days of Christmas

I know someone else posted about the 12 days of Christmas, but I heard a different version today at school so I thought I’d try and remember it for you.

My true love brought to me…

one lyrebird in a gum tree

two beach umbrellas

three splashing swimmers

four …

five banana chairs

six …

seven …

eight crazy chickens

nine…

ten…

eleven pairs of thongs

twelve …

Ok, so there’s a lot I forgot so I’ll see if I can get the rest to fill in the gaps!

Deck the sheds this Christmas

I came across another Christmas song that now has an Australian twist to it…

Deck the sheds with bits of Wattle, falala lalala lalala
Whack some gum leaves in a bottle, falala lalala lalala
All the shops are open sundies, falala lalala lalala
Buy your Dad some sox and undies, falala lalala lalala

Deck the sheds with bits of gum tree, falala lalala lalala
Hang some decos off the plum tree, falala lalala lalala
Plant some kisses on the missus, falala lalala lalala
Have a ripper Aussie Christmas, falala lalala lalala

Say g’day to friends and rellies, falala lalala lalala
Wave them off with bulging bellies, falala lalala lalala
Kids and babies youngies oldies, falala lalala lalala
May your fridge be full of coldies, falala lalala lalala

Chop the wood and stoke the barbie, falala lalala lalala
Ring the folks in Abudabe, falala lalala lalala
Pop the stuffing in the turkey, falala lalala lalala
Little Mary’s feeling ercky, falala lalala lalala

Rally, rally round the table, falala lalala lalala
Fill your belly while your able, falala lalala lalala
Joyce and Joany, Dave and Daryl, falala lalala lalala
Sing an Aussie Christmas carol, falala lalala lalala

Jingle Bells – Aussie style!

Here is another carol that’s been Aussiefied!

Dashing through the bush
In a rusty Holden Ute
Kicking up the dust
Esky in the boot
Kelpie by my side
Singing Christmas songs
It’s summer time and I am in
My singlet, shorts & thongs

Chorus:
oh, jingle bells, jingle bells
jingle all the way
Christmas in Australia
on a scorching summer’s day
jingle bells, jingle bells
Christmas time is beaut
oh what fun it is to ride
in a rusty Holden ute

Engine’s getting hot
Dodge the kangaroos
Swaggy climbs aboard
He is welcome too
All the family is there
Sitting by the pool
Christmas day, the Aussie way
By the barbecue!

Chorus

Come the afternoon
Grandpa has a doze
The kids and uncle Bruce
Are swimming in their clothes
The time comes round to go
We take a family snap
Then pack the car and all shoot through
Before the washing up

Chorus

Twas the night before Christmas humour…

T’was the night before Christmas and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care.
They’d been worn all week and needed the air.

Christmas carol lyrics…

When many Christmas carols are learned by hearing them and trying to figure out the words, it isn’t surprising that sometimes the words sung aren’t exactly as expected. Especially when teh singer is young and doesn’t always know the words or meanings of the songs to be able to judge their errors.

Here are some song errrors I’ve heard of – do you have any others?

  • Frosty the snowman is a ferret elf I say
  • You’ll go down in listerine (How’s that for commercialism taking over!)
  • Olive, the other reindeer
  • Sleep in heavenly peas
  • Good tidings we bring to you and your kid
  • Come, froggy faithful

Santa jokes…

What smells most in a chimney?

Santa’s nose

What’s red & white, red & white, red & white?

Santa rolling down a hill!

 

 

Santa laughing and waving

Hohoho – Santa loves a good joke and a good laugh!

Aussie Jingle Bells

This was sent to me by e-mail. I don’t know who wrote it.

Dashing through the bush,
in a rusty Holden Ute,
Kicking up the dust,
esky in the boot,
Kelpie by my side,
singing Christmas songs,
It’s Summer time and I am in
my singlet, shorts and thongs

Oh! Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way,
Christmas in Australia on a scorching summers day, Hey!
Jingle bells, jingle bells, Christmas time is beaut!
Oh what fun it is to ride in a rusty Holden Ute.

Engine’s getting hot;
we dodge the kangaroos,
The swaggie climbs aboard,
he is welcome too.
All the family’s there,
sitting by the pool,
Christmas Day the Aussie way,
by the barbecue.

Oh! Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way,
Christmas in Australia on a scorching summers day, Hey!
Jingle bells, jingle bells, Christmas time is beaut!
Oh what fun it is to ride in a rusty Holden Ute.

Come the afternoon,
Grandpa has a doze,
The kids and Uncle Bruce
are swimming in their clothes.
The time comes ’round to go,
we take the family snap,
Pack the car and all shoot through,
before the washing up.

Oh! Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way,
Christmas in Australia on a scorching summers day, Hey!
Jingle bells, jingle bells, Christmas time is beaut!
Oh what fun it is to ride in a rusty Holden Ute.

This is why I shop at the last minute..

(or so I read in an email)

Life is very strssful when you have to make a lot of decisions and choices. So I look after myself by reducing my choices to whatever is left in the local pharmacy or supermarket at 6pm on Christmas Eve!